Friday, March 16, 2007

National Service

As you are reading this post, Iam already at pulau tekong enjoying myself...*weep* Well the *weep* is just for fun. Iam not sad in fact iam very happy to be able to contribute to the nation. (I know what you are thinking now-especially huimin) heh. You must be thinking that the previous statement is hypocritical right? LOL!!! Well then, you are right this time round. :))

I got a few words to say to a number of my friends before i leave :

To zhiyin: Very sorry for not being able to chat with you for the last time before i leave. I wish you all the best in your studies and don't be ''lacy'' already ok? Work hard. The harder you work the luckier you get. :)

To kuo quan: You are one of the few friends who knows how to appreciate my works(blog la). Thanks a lot for your support. I wish you luck in your polytechnic final year. Work doubly hard and get your ass in to NUS. A quote : ''They can because they can they can!'' So don't say you are not good enough to get into NUS.

To Cher Eng: You got to stop watching ''cardcaptor sakura'' and ''it all started with a kiss'' and start finishing your homework. O levels this year already still don't want to work hard. Anyway if i see any shuai ge in tekong, i shall inform you. Maybe can match-make you with the shuai ge. heh heh.

To Yi Chen: You are the only one who knows the nickname given to me by my sister. Shhh..dun tell others ok? Later they laugh at me. :( You said you are afraid of A levels, but i seriously do think that your subjects are easy to score..except for economics. But to counter your fears, you got to start preparing yourself for A levels NOW! One last thing, if you want to crap or need to ''FA XIE!'' and can't find anybody to do so, you can look for me if iam around. I will always be there for you. :) P.S interesting enough? you very gan dong rite? LOL! unless you got a heart made of stone.

To Huimin: You got to work hard when school reopens ok? You got to attend all lectures and tutorials.. and remember to do all tutorials. Don't be like me..skip tutorials..skip lectures. never do tutorials also....very bad student here. :( I will read your blog first when i come back and i will flood you with all my comments. hahaha. AND don't worry, I will behave very very well, then maybe they will let me home on friday? LOL!! woohoo! one more thing..remember to teach your brother to respect the elderly( PLAYPEK!). :))))))))) Take care take care!

To darrel: Thanks for having the intention to send me off! At least I know you got the heart. By the way, hope your score can improve from 2.something/4 to 3.something/4. If not, you know what will happen..... Anyway after my 13 weeks BMT ends, we will go eat paratas at the 2 shops you recommended. heh. Oh ya, most importantly...use online guide if you can't continue the final fantasy 12. Told you long time ago already...CHEAT is the best!! CHEAT roxsss. Last by not least, your trademark: ''......'' and ''zzz''. Cheers!

another sweetest escape
Friday, March 16, 2007

Monday, March 12, 2007

The Story About The Lasi Lemak

There was no post yesterday because I can't find the time to post. I was busy rushing in and out of the toilet (Courtesy of the nasi lemak). The toilet is still very smelly now.....because my mother also tio lau sai. It's just that her's is more serious(very jia lat). It was because she ate more lasi lemak than me.

Both of us contracted diarrhoea because we ate the lasi lemak my uncle brought back from his workplace. His company actually wanted to throw away those lasi lemak and he thought it was wasteful since the lasi lemak only 1.5 days old. *sighs*

Both of us (my mother and I) felt that it was a waste also. Therefore we decided to help finish up the lasi lemak. So we eat and eat and eat and eat. *shake head*

Finally next morning 3 am, disaster strikes. My mother was suddenly geared in physical training attire, then she chiong out of her room( just like a participant in a marathon). Then i thought: ''ehhh so early siaaaa 3am only? Is she going for running?'' Then i saw her running into the toilet.

When she came out of the toilet, i can see her staggering as if she went for gang fight, like the legs gana slashed. Immediately she told me lasi lemak's fault. *scared face* She told me i will be next. :(

True enough, iam next............

Very suay....

Lots of love,
Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Monday, March 12, 2007

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Manhood

The meeting yesterday evening went very very smoothly and I am over the moon now. heh heh. This is because my mother finally put a stop to those match making sessions as she is convinced that my sexual orientation=straight. Whoot!

After dinner, i sent Samantha home.

Samantha:'' Don't you dare forget about the blouse!''
Me:*smile smile*
Me:''Don't worry la. I am a man of my words.''
Samantha: *screened me from head to toes*
Samantha: *raises eyebrows*
Samantha: ''man? I seriously doubt so.''
Me: *ran off wiping away my tears using the sleeves of my shirt*

When i reached home, my whole shirt is soaking wet.

Mother:''Aiyo, why are you so wet?''
Me:''Orh.......it was raining just now at the place she lives.''
Mother: ''Told you to bring an umbrella already.''
Mother: ''Go change into a new shirt now.''

After changing into a dry shirt, i felt something tapping my shoulders from behind. I turned my head and got a shock. It was my mother. -.-

Me:''Aiyo..why you suddenly appear behind me without making any sound?!''
Mother: *laughing*
Mother:''You are going to NS soon and already got a girlfriend.''
Me:''So?''
Mother:''So you got to grow up. Don't behave like a small timid little boy. BE A MAN!''

What happened next is well expected. I wetted my brand new dry shirt. :(

Oh manhood!

Lots of love,
Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Saturday, March 10, 2007

Friday, March 09, 2007

Samantha my Savior

Desperate to get myself out of this fix, i had engaged the help of Samantha. Samantha is one of my ex-classmates. The first reason why i decided to engage her help is because she is a superb actress. hehe. She is from the Drama club you see. The second reason is she needs to repay me for my kindness showered upon her during the O levels exams. =)

So before i left the house to meet Samantha. I happily told my mother that i will be bringing my girlfriend home for dinner.

Me: '' Mummy, I will bring my girlfriend home for dinner tonight.''
Mother: *Stares at me with intense dead eyes*
Me: '' Is that alright with you?''
Mother: *hiccups*
Mother:''Oh, yes yes. Sure. No problem." *very wide smile* (saliva almost dripped out)
Me: '' By the way, her name is Samantha..''
Mother: ''O.K! i will remember that.''

Samantha

''Remember Hor! Don't forget my $55 blouse.
You should know where to get it. :)''

Hais.. There goes my allowances for this week. But to get myself out of all these matchmaking shits, I think $55 is worth it.

Lots of love,

Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Friday, March 09, 2007

Thursday, March 08, 2007

The story about getting myself into deep shit.

After a long and torturous night, i decided to tell my mother about the evil things that Auntie Mary aka Maggie Mee had done behind her back. *evil smile*

To my surprise, my mother hugged me. Then she told me this : ''Don't worry son, mummy will find you a better girl than Candy..''

HOLY SHIT! I got myself into deep shit this time round again. Take note of this-''Don't worry son, mummy will find you a better girl than Candy..'' BETTER??? Her definition of better is this type:

''Iam better
than Candy.''

''Shake head'' Why am I always so suay? :(

Lots of love,
Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Thursday, March 08, 2007

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Truth Hurts

The truth is out now. Auntie Mary cancelled the date because she realised that her daughter got a boyfriend(Mr X). She feels that Mr X and her daughter(candy) are very compatible. I don't think so. I think i am more compatible with Mr X. Heh, iam just kidding :)

I think Auntie Mary made the right decision by choosing Mr X over me. Firstly, Mr X is handsome and iam not. Secondly, Mr X is rich and i am not. Thirdly, Mr X is a master of blowing eyes and iam not. :(

I think my mother is still being kept in the dark, and i can't believe Mr X actually fell for that ''very pretty'' Candy. *smile*

AUNTIE MARY

''Who says i got cancer?''

Lots of love,
Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The story about the call

I called candy because i am very very concerned(heh heh) about her mother. I wanted to know what really happened to candy's mother. That's why i mustered my courage and dialled candy's handphone number. To my surprise, a guy answered her phone.

Unknown Guy: '' Hello?''
Me:''err...candy?...how come your voice is so different?''
Unknown Guy: ''Hello? are you looking for candy?''
Me: *Thinking-seems to hear the voice somewhere* (It's very familiar)
Background voice (a girl's voice): '' Tao yan! Sand got into my eyes le.''
Unknown Guy: ''Wah so suay ar....I help you blow your eyes.''

Now you know why i am depressed....:(

Lots of love,
Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Monday, March 05, 2007

Nursing an injury

My face is super red + super swollen now....and iam using an ice-bag to curb the redness and swelling. It had been hours since a million slaps on both my cheeks. Now i look like i went for plastic surgery and the operation failed. :(

Needless to say, handphone is back into the hands of the rightful owner. The handphone is now 24/7 in the pocket of you know who...

A few hours after the incident, my curiosity got the worse of me and i did the craziest thing ever.....

I called CANDY.

Details tomorrow. Thanks to the call , I am very very depressed now..

Lots of love,
Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Monday, March 05, 2007

Sunday, March 04, 2007

The accidental discovery of a BIG BIG secret

I woke up today to a great piece of good news. I do not have to attend the lunch date with my mum, auntie mary and most ''probably'' (99.99%) candy. I am so so so so so happy. :)))))

Shortly after i woke up ( around 10.30am),

Mum:''Oi, don't have to go already.''
Me:''huh?''
Mum:''huh ler ah pa. LUNCH DATE CANCELLED!''
Me: *jump backwards* (cos too loud, i tio shocked)
Me: *secretly smile :)*
Me:''orh...so sad....y cancelled? I was looking forward to meeting auntie mary.(heh heh)''
Mum: *Walks away*

I sat on the sofa and think think think. *scratch head vigoriously*

Then i look at my fingers, *jerk backwards* because i saw blood. Wah my scalp bleeding!
Tell myself to keep calm, maybe it's chilli sauce or ketchup. So i tasted it. heh indeed it is ketchup. So i went to check my pillow.

Discovery: There is ketchup on my pillow. (Courtesy of my little nephew) >.<

Suddenly i heard a beep beep beep beep sound. Then i thought to myself : "eh? isn't that mum's handphone message ringtone?'' So i shouted out to her.

Me:'' Mum, you got a message!''

No response.

So i got off my seat and went to the kitchen. I discovered that she is actually in the toilet. Therefore, i decided to help myself to her messages. heh heh hehee

This action of mine leads to a big big big discovery.

The message reads: Confirmed already. Don't worry for me. I know what to do. Pls keep it from others for the moment. thanks.

and the message is from............*drumming sound*....................AUNTIE........................mary.

So what the hell happened to auntie mary? Must be something big.. MUST BE!! So what is it?
It might be the deadly cancer..breast cancer? *hao ser/cer smile*. Or maybe her husband got extra-martial affair???

Just when i was about to check the previous messages from auntie mary to my beloved mother, a very very tragic thing happened. I lifted my head and i saw my mum in front of me. The worst thing is she saw me with the ''hao ser/cer smile''. . . . . .

Iam so dead.........

Lots of love,
Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Sunday, March 04, 2007

The story about bathing using cold water ll

Indeed i am very very dead. My beloved mum can't believe what she saw. Her grocery bags and lower jaw dropped to the ground. She is very very very shocked by both Mr X and me. What happened next is she screamed her lungs out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and disaster strikes. The previously deserted park becomes ''speaker's corner''. *buried face in both palms*

Passer-by 1: ''The auntie gana rob is it? or got molested?''
Passer-by 2:'' Please la, so old already...what molest ??-.-''
Passer-by 3 : ''Aiyoyo..that one sitting on the bench one is her son.''
Passer-by 1 and 2:'' The blue one ar?''
Passer-by 3:''Ya.''

Within seconds, the crowd increases from 3 people to a lot a lot

Passer-20+ :'' Wah, got free gift AR ?''

Mum made the move. She rushed to the bench where the both of us were sitting.

Mum: ''Mundane, go home with me now!''
Me: *Keeps on biting my nails*
Mum to Me:'' Get moving now! You are going to get it from me when you get home!''
Me: *Stand up*
Mum to Mr X: *Smile*
Mum to Me: *Point to the direction of our house*
Me: *Obediently moved*

Finally home and mum went to make a phone call. After she put down the phone, i decided to prove my innocence by explaining to her what really happened.

Me:''Mum, you misunderstood the whole incident in the park just now.''
Mum: '' Tomorrow afternoon we will be meeting auntie mary, 2pm.''
Me: ''Why so sudden?''
Mum: ''No why. Just get ready by 2pm sharp.''
Mum: *Walks off*
Me: *stunned*

I did some pondering and suddenly remembered that auntie mary GOT A DAUGHTER. Her name is candy. Jia lat. I am really in deep shit now. *tears fill my eyes again+ shivering vigorously+ hiccups* My mum is going to match make me with a errr............you should see for yourself. Below is a picture of candy:

''Iam chio worxx!''

Now you know why i said iam in deep shit.....................SAVE ME MR X!!!

With lots of love,
Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Sunday, March 04, 2007

Saturday, March 03, 2007

The story about bathing using cold water

The heater broke down!!!!!!!!! It's very saddening because i will have to bath using extremely cold water. ZZZ. I think the heater purposely break down; cos i will be going to ''prison'' soon. According to one of the ex-inmates who happen to be my friend, the water they use for bathing is very very very cold. >.< By the way, his name is Mr X.

Me: ''errr do u all use hot water to bath inside?''
Mr X: '' No la! who tell u bath with hot water one?! we all bath with super duper cold water.''
Me:'' is it?''
Mr X: ''what did i say just now? hot water!! u bloody idiot..''
Me: *smiles*
Me: '' jia lat la. I scared of cold water. I never bath using cold water before.''
Mr X: '' bo bian. die die also must bath.''
Me: *fighting to hold back my tears* : (
Mr X: '' eh why your eyes red red one? then so watery somemore..''
Me: '' orh..it's nothing.. just that sand got into my eyes.''
Mr X: '' wah so suay ar. i help u blow your eyes.''

The worst thing is my mum happened to walk past the deserted park and she saw the back view of me with Mr X's head approaching mine.

Iam so dead...

With lots of love,
Mr Mundane

another sweetest escape
Saturday, March 03, 2007